Get it? A veggie puking? I crack myself up.
I know what you’re thinking, because I was thinking it too. So were the veggie girlfriends, Momma Veggie, SIL Veggie, and pretty much every other woman in our lives.
That’s why while Mr. Veggie was holding my hair and bringing me glasses of water I was counting on my fingers. Hmmm it’s March now and August is 1..2.. 6 months away. And crying.
“I’m not going to be able to drink at our wedding.” (Sob)
“And I wont fit into any wedding dresses.” (Sob, Sob)
“I’m going to be a pregnant bride.” (Loudest Sob)
Note: Do not try to be rational when you are throwing up. It doesn’t work.
If available, my rational self would have responded to irrational me as follows:
“Miss Veggie, you get drunk after 2 beers, how much are you really planning on drinking anyway?”
“And look, here’s a couture maternity wedding dress designer.”
“But most importantly, Miss Veggie, you haven’t taken a pregnancy test, have a fever and a stomach ache, and are currently having your period. Maybe you’re not pregnant at all.”
Oh rational self, you’re too clever. Mr. Veggie and I went to the doctor the next day. After some tests and belly tapping it became clear. There’s no fetus in my belly, but there is a parasite. Blastocystis hominis has taken up residence in my stomach. Apparently it comes from contaminated drinking water and leads not only to stomach issues, but also to weight loss and fatigue. Hmmm… is that why the only thing I’ve wanted to do for the past few weeks is lay around and surf wedding websites? I have kindly urged it to leave with some strong antibiotics. I’ll let you know how it goes.
After some thought, it certainly wouldn’t be the end of the world if a little veggie sprout decided to come along in the next few months. I mean its no secret that Mr. Veg and I are already sharing a house(truck) so no one would be too alarmed. It wouldn’t be perfect timing, but it wouldn’t change the fact that Mr. Veggie and I want to honor our love for each other by getting married. Plus all of our friends and family would be able to give their love and best wishes to veggie sprout before he or she even entered the world. And there is no more beautiful site than a gorgeous big-bellied gaia goddess momma-to-be. All the same, I think we’ll be extra careful for the next little while.
Congrats to any pregnant brides out there, whether it was a fully planned or surprise sprout. Have you had to adjust your wedding plans much? Have any hints for other mommas-to-bee (ha ha)? Have any of you other bees been scared into celibacy for a while?