Sponsored!

Looking for a no-fuss way to drop some pounds before your big day? Why bother with exercise and a healthy diet when, with this fabulous product, you can simply absorb the fat away! Also available in blonde, brunette, prematurely grey, and receding hairline formulas.


OK, that last part was a lie. There are no other formulas. Now you all know our secret for staying so darned sexy.

Don’t worry Redhead’s, I wont be trying to ingest your product. Although a product that is all natural and also promises to reduce odour (with a “u”) is pretty tempting. And I’m sure Mr. Veggie wouldn’t mind the reduced risk of flare-ups. They’ve been happening more and more frequently as the wedding approaches.

By the way, I’d like to thank you for your corporate sponsorship of New Zealand’s “hug a ginger day”. I’m assuming you’re the ones behind it, right?

Oh, and Redhead’s, I find your sexy packaging and very small “not for human consumption” label (hidden away on the back side of the bag) a tad misleading. I was almost duped by the seductress on the front into thinking that I too could have fantastic cat-eyes and slim shoulders. But then I read the fine print. If only I was a BBQ Drip Tray. Darn you karma for making me a human. Maybe next time.

Who can I thank for this wonderful product and the hilarity it prompted? Ah yes. Thanks again Australia. Another fine contribution to the world from our neighbors to the west. Hmm…”all natural”, “made in Australia”…do you think any kangaroos, wallabies, koalas, or platypi were harmed in the making of this product? Likely, very likely.

* I am not being paid by Redhead’s for this product placement. Although, if you’re out there Redhead’s, I am available for print ads, and t.v. commercials (my American accent probably wouldn’t go over so well on radio).

In all seriousness hope that all of you who are working hard to be your healthiest selves for wedding day have come across some better ideas than this. If so, I’d love to hear how its going for you. My efforts have been bit lackluster of late and I could use some motivation.

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